hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
