I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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