i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
