Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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