the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
