I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
last night I used snow as a chaser
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
