I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
