Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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