I CAN MOONWALK!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
