Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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