Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
