u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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