i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
