There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
