I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the condom got lost in my hair
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
