me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
