do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
