Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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