i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
