When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
