absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
