if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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