im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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