how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
