Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
