honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
