brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
