my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
