her vagine was all disorganized.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
