Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
True strength comes from lack of pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
