It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
