Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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