M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
