I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
