Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
