chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
