I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
