I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
