Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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