We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
