I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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