Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
