If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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