i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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