did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
