Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
