So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
