My Higher Power is John Stamos
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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