Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
