Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
